so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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