he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
