Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
