lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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