the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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