I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize