I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
