Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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