There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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