she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
