so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
