I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
