Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
