Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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