we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
