At least make sure they are 18
Why
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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