She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
