i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
