Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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