I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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