He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
