I accidentally had phone sex last night
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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