I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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