The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
