went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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