I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
