Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sobbing to NWA
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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