New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
