well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
