You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The power of my boobs compel you
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize