there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
