The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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