Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
