I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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