I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
