My room smells like vodka and shame
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
