wrigley field is MILF paradise
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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