he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
