I think I died a long time ago.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
