So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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