Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
