what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
