There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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