Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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