i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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