dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
