Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
