is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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