My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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