so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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