I just cut my nipple shaving
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
