it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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