Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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