yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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