I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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