she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
