HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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