my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
