She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
