even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
