That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
