i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
