real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
