you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize