i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
