I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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