I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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