My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
