god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
