just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
