I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
