We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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