My room smells like vodka and shame
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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