we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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