Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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