i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
