Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
