Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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