i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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