I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
