i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
