My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
