You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
