YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
