I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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