she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
